L A S T D A Y

So here we are, my last day of maternity leave.
No more babies, no more maternity leave. Ever.
Now, all we have to do is figure out a way to work and juggle the home life I aspire to give my girls. Really trying to kick back all the mum guilt and focus on the positives of life because that’s the important stuff right?
Maternity leave has had its ups and downs, I have met some lovely new friends and had some great play dates, but, even 6 years on and a much more confident self, I have had lonely days and dark days like I did with Blair. 

The early days were hard on us all, plagued with silent reflux and CPMA I found myself fighting with my GP for help. I was a new mum sat crying in front of my GP asking for help and being told it’s colic and it will pass… that’s when the fight in me came out. I remember feeling so low and the only help offered was a diagnosis of postnatal depression and medication, that said, once I fought through the top layer the help and support I received from healthcare professionals from then on was amazing and continues to be amazing.

I would say it wasn’t until the 4th month that I saw the light and started to exhale and enjoy my time, I had an internal struggle with myself for leaving work at a point in my career when i felt it was going really well. I had a constant guilt that id ruined it all and here I was with a newborn who cried for 80% of the time and was in lots of pain and my 6 year old who I missed so much it hurt. Looking back, I put too much pressure on myself and that’s just me striving for the best, less than a week after giving birth I wanted business as usual to resume I was in work checking up on things 16 day in. When I look back, it’s like I am looking at someone else, I clearly wasn’t myself and was fighting a wave that was always going to be too big for me.

It’s not been all doom and gloom and I am sure I am not alone in what I have experienced, but it’s important for me to reflect on these times and cliche as it sounds, learn from them.
I don’t know what compelled me to write this today, but I am going with it, my last day was fittingly spent with both my girls, a good friend (and her girls) who I met when I was on maternity leave with Blair and what a great day it’s been.

  

Tomorrow, a new chapter that I will tackle head on.